I had another dream about you. You had started dating someone new, an exotic girl. She looked almost Hawaiian and she was not nice to you. You were hiding me upstairs. You wanted to see us both at the same time. After that dream I had another that I was talking to someone that knew you. They were telling me you were moving the following day and it was almost over. He was listening to my story about the summary of events. You had told a completely different story.

I went to breakfast with a girlfriend over the weekend. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and the kids. I can’t believe you won’t talk with me. I can’t accept that it’s over and I will likely never hear from you again. We had so many good memories. How can you just walk away?

The last few days have been easier. I feel guilty for that. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to move on. I want you to know I still want you even if that’s not good for me.

I was haunted by you yet again last night in my dreams. I kept asking you why? and telling you I love you but you wouldn’t consider it at all. It was like I was talking to a wall. You wanted nothing to do with me. I woke up sobbing.

I keep telling myself things will get easier and this will eventually pass but I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want to move on.

I’m sitting in the parking lot of GMB as it rains remembering the time we played in the rain together. What I would give to be back in that moment with you.

Our memories haunt me. I don’t want to forget them but I do wish I wasn’t so reminded of them all the time.

Do you ever think of me? Do we share the same memories today?

By now I have come to realize you aren’t going to talk to me again. It’s really hard to accept. I dreamed you sent me a letter in response to my email and I woke up as I was about to read it. I wish I could understand you. So this is it. This is all I have left of our connection. It’s always going to be there. I’m always going to love you. I wish we could’ve had more. I wish you could’ve been different, less selfish. I guess that’s my perception therefore my reality.

I dreamed about you last night. I was traveling out of state. I was at a restaurant and thinking to myself I need to stop seeing signs that you and I should get back together. Then suddenly I heard your voice behind me. You were in the booth behind mine and you were talking with Heather. I came out of the booth and she said to me, you two will always be good friends and the two of you walked off together. You showed up at my house some time later and we sat on the couch talking about being together again.

My brain won’t shut off about you. I don’t know what to do about it. Do you ever think of me?

Was any of it ever real?