One would think after all this time there wouldn’t be any more emotional days……but there still are. The dreams still come and facebook reminds me of all the years of memories past. My mind can’t seem to focus on other things. Today I’ve been thinking a lot about the last baby I lost. What is the fucking point? I can’t help but think I never would have left you if I hadn’t wanted kids so bad. I was crying and told my husband I was thinking about the baby when he asked. He doesn’t mean to be so cold. He’s just the way he is. You would have touched me………hugged me…. met that emotional need in that moment and I wouldn’t have had to ask. You would have just known what to do. You were the best at everything – making me laugh, making me cry, making me happy, making me sad, kissing, sex, passion, I could go on and on.

Memorial weekend is coming. I will be camping alone with the dogs wishing you would show up, remembering our adventures good and bad. Until that day, I love you and I let you go.