Some days are easier than others but always I think of you. I know you are wrong for me. I deserve a faithful partner. I deserve peace and kindness and to be loved for who I am. Still I long for you and the good times. I miss the kids. I wish this would pass.

I guess I wanted to believe everything you told me. I had convinced myself that somehow I was in the wrong and I felt responsible. As it turns out I wasn’t. How could I have been? All the while you were courting me, telling me you only wanted me -you were planning life with her/living w her.  You lied when you said she was stalking you and that she was a drunk. You must have lied about the bad sex the bad blow jobs and the bad body in her bathing suit. I wanted so much to believe you back then but little flags kept popping up nawing at me. I wanted you. I wanted us together – happy like you promised. It was all a fantasy.

All these months I’ve mourned for you. I’ve kept my life on hold wishing you would come back. I’ve day dreamed about it. I’d refused to admit it’s over. I’d convinced myself we would be together again someday. For what?

All this torture. All this sadness for a man that got engaged 6months after begging to be with me.

I really wanted to believe you were with her because you needed a place to stay. Your finances were a mess and you needed her temporarily and she was convenient.  Well you don’t fucking marry the woman youre just getting by with.

It feels like you never loved me.

I really thought you would see this blog someday and know how much you mean to me. I hate you for what you’ve done to me. She’s a stupid woman and you’re a dishonest man.

Love does not come and go so easily as the wind.

I’ve been crying off an on all day today. I went out with friends I hadn’t seen in a while a few days ago and they asked about you. Said they heard you were moving and getting married. I just can’t believe it. I’m not over you. I miss you always. How is this possible? It makes me wonder “are we supposed to be together”? Is this why I can’t get over you?

You lie, you cheat, your angry all the time, you need to be the center of attention, and I was never going to be enough for you yet still I can’t let go. How is it possible after almost a year of no contact I’m still crying over you? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Did you even love me at all? I’m falling apart and I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t go on like this.