I just heard my brother is still in contact with you. I wonder if this is actually true? If it is true I don’t see why you want that. Are you still thinking about me?

I woke up to a dream about you with such sorrow. I was trying to get a new cell phone and apparently I was still on your plan and the sprint lady wouldn’t help me because I wasn’t authorized on your account. Then suddenly I was having lunch out with someone we both knew in TX. I was inquiring about you and found out that you had started a construction business out there and it was doing well. I was telling the man I was with how I still miss you every day. He was trying to tell me you were great and happy and successful, and then he said to me “he loved you”. It was something to the effect of I need to leave you alone but the words “he loved you” were so loud and so profound and this is where I lost it. I remember my brain was trying to figure out a way to get him to lead me to you. I was desperate. I was crying and he was like “are you sure you want to order dessert?”.

and then I woke up. Tears in my eyes, choking back the sobbing and I’m left with this hole, this emptiness, this aching and no way to make it stop.

Where are you? Why haven’t you come for me? If you don’t feel the same then why am I so unable to move on? Something keeps pulling me back. Am I just crazy? Is there really no connection between us?

I love you and I let you go.

Do you see the memories like I do? Do they hurt you too? Had a dream the other day you came back to me. You confessed you had been seeing her while we were together for years…. I was torn because I wanted you back so bad but how could I get past that and ever trust you, and then I woke up. I wish it would stop. I want to be happy in my life without you.

I love you and I let you go.

Ran into your parents. They acted like they didn’t recognize me so I let them pass by without any acknowledgement. Mom has dogs now but you probably already knew that… or maybe you didn’t. I guess it’s hard to know if you have stayed in contact with them. I think I was relieved they didn’t try to talk with me. It was just one more thing in my life that pulls me back to you. I try to focus on being thankful for what I have. I wish I knew how you are.