It was a tough weekend for me. I wanted to reach out to you and it took all the strength I had to resist. I don’t understand why I can’t move on. I deserve someone I can trust. I deserve someone who will be faithful and positive. I know in my head you can not give me this. My heart wants that from you.

How did we get here? How do I move out of this place where I am stuck? What would you think if you knew of my blog? Are you happy with her?  Call him – don’t call him. Txt him – don’t txt him. This is the constant battle in my head. It’s relentless.

I feel like I can choose to be strong and have a possibility of a family some day or I can be weak and risk it all with you repeating the cycle that we have over and over again wishing for a different result.

Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t you love yourself enough in that I could be enough for you also?

So I’m here….without you wishing you were here. I struggle w not reaching out. I want to tell you to drop what you’re doing and get here.

I can’t escape these feelings. When does it end? When do I get to move on?

Are you thinking of me?

It’s raining and maybe that’s part of my sadness. I’ve been giving thanks to the universe for all the blessings in my life. I want to feel better.

This weekend is coming and I’m missing you. It won’t be the same without you. I wish things were different.

I miss being known. I miss having that person beside me that knows all my past – my pain.

No one knows me but you. Do you feel alone too?

Do you think of me at all? Do you obsess about me the way I do you?? I feel so stuck and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just want to forget.

People keep coming by looking for you. Important mail is continuing to come to the house. You’re obviously having financial issues. I’m making myself crazy. I want to reach out to you but I know you don’t want to hear from me. I also know contacting you just hurts us both more.

Every where I go I am reminded of you. I wonder when it will stop? It makes me wonder if there’s a reason I can’t let go and move on? Am I not supposed to?

I see her profile picture has changed to one of you. It makes me angry. I wish I could forget about it all. I so wanted us to be honest with each other. I knew you were playing both sides but I didn’t care. I loved you enough to let it go and move forward. You couldn’t give me the same respect. I see you as a lost soul looking for love to fill the emptiness within you. It doesn’t work that way. You will forever be searching because what you need can’t be found in another person. I want to make you see that but I know that I can’t. I thought if I loved you enough and just tried hard enough that we could make it… that I could have control over it. I was wrong.