“And ’cause I was a gozillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free. But at night-time when there was nothing to do and the house was all empty, and the house was all empty, I’d always think of Jenny.”
“I’d think a lot about Momma and Bubba, and Lieutenant Dan, but most of all, I thought about Jenny. I thought about her a lot.”
I went floating yesterday with the family. I think of you every day but I especially think of you and miss you on days where I do things outside. I miss all the things we have in common and doing them with you. I know you would have been fishing. I wonder what your weekend is like?
As time goes on I hear little pieces of information about you. I had John W at the house to fix the furnace. I guess you’ve been living a few different places. I told him nothing about you or us but you know how that man talks. The more pieces of info I get the more your past behavior makes sense. It makes me question if you ever truly wanted me… loved me. Was I just a girl for you to use? It seems so hard to believe that for 7yrs we were together and that you didn’t love me. I’m sad that it didn’t work out. We were so perfect together but somehow couldn’t make it work. Is that because you weren’t who I thought you were?
I think maybe the right relationship won’t be so intense as ours. There will be less “love”, less “chaos”, and much less “passion”. I think I have to learn to love and accept what is good for me, which is going to be boring but comfortable and safe and dependable. I struggle with this.
I took our family photo down this week. It bothers me that it’s not there anymore. I hate this. I could remove every possible reminder of you in this house, I could burn the fucking house down. Nothing I do alleviates the ache. When will it pass? I look for you everywhere I go. When do I get to move on?
I needed you and you weren’t here. I survived but I’m hating every min of it. I miss having a man around that can take care of things. Everyone asks about you. I hate it. I never get a break from it. I wonder where you are. Do I cross your mind at all?
I must be crazy. I miss you. I miss the kids. I miss our family.
I can’t let you go. The amount of time I spend thinking about you daily is so ridiculous. I need a break. I’m mentally exhausted. I need a break….a vacation from my own mind. What is this hold you have on me? Why won’t you release me?
i can’t stop replaying the dream last night. I hope you aren’t marrying her. It sounds horrible. I do want you to be happy.
I can’t stop missing our weekend family time watching Lake Monsters. I wish we could turn back time. Do you think of me at all? Do you remember the good times?
its 3:30am. I just woke from a nightmare. You told me you were going to marry her. I begged you not to. You thought it was funny and I was being ridiculous. I’m so upset. When does this end?
I fucking miss you. I miss how we could look at each other from across the room and know exactly what was being said. I miss our passion. I miss bending your ear.
Where are you?