I saw a post on fb today about Blackhawk. I couldn’t help but remember our day out there. The day I fell in love. How bad of a shot I was, how hot it was outside, and how I talked you into swimming with me. Those were the good days.

I find myself crying today. Letting it all out instead of stuffing it all back in. It’s been so long I can’t believe how you still get to me. We’ve both moved on and yet something always brings me back here, back to the ache. It’s a hole that I know will never be filled. I accept that. I embrace it, because there is no one out there like you. I am thankful for our good times, confused about the bad, and moving on despite it all.

I truly am happy in my relationship. I believe it will soon lead to marriage, and kids practically any day. I’ve found a man that can give me what you couldn’t… and so much more than just a baby. We have a perfect trust that is so amazing and unlike anything I’ve ever had. I feel so safe and loved, and it’s mutual. It’s so different than what we had and in many ways better.

I wish I could reconcile these feelings. I wish I could remember you fondly and leave it at that. Is it so easy for you? Am I the only person in the world that feels like this?

As always, I love you and I let you go.