2 nights ago I had a dream you came over. You were very upset that I would be getting married. It was almost as if you were saying to me “how could you move on from me? how could you let me go, how do you not love me anymore?”. This overwhelming sadness came over me. The anguish of losing you and giving up on you came on full force. I asked you why you married her and you said it was to get over me. I knew in the dream that we would find a way to be together again and I was tortured over how it would all work. You hugged me and I woke up. I have this guilt now that I can’t shake. Maybe you don’t always marry the love of your life. That’s all I can figure because I am here with out you. The pain of losing you really can’t be put in to words. At times it’s consuming. I think how crazy am I to feel this way when you have moved on. Part of me thinks there must be a connection still between us. I wonder do you struggle with thoughts of me…..all the memories? Did you have guilt getting married?

You leave me no choice but to move on. My dreams may haunt me but they are just dreams. I have a man that wants to marry me, have children with me, loves me for me. He’s not you. He’s not a replacement for you and I won’t marry him to get over you because I accept the fact I’ll never be over you. He gives me things you never could beyond having children. He’s patient and happy, easy going and trustworthy. We have fun together and it’s easy.

I don’t have to forget you, though life would be easier if I could. I don’t want to, and I don’t think I’ll ever try to because no one will ever love you like I do. So yesterday and today, I embrace the pain – the memories. I’m thankful for our time together. I will move forward with my life and I will be happy with out you.

As ever, I love you and I let you go.