You are such a liar. 6months you’ve not been living in that house! The whole time you were talking to me you were living with a woman. I don’t care. I didn’t care that you were seeing someone else. We weren’t sleeping together and hadn’t made any commitment. What I do care about it YOU acted as if I fucked with your head! You told all your friends and my friends and family that I was jerking you around when the reality is you were doing it the whole time. I was the only one being up front and honest. Still after I find out this bullshit I miss you and the ache remains.

The sadness is overwhelming. How fucked up are you that you could be so convincing? Why lay in to me so hard for something you were doing? That’s always been your story though. If you really want to be honest with yourself, you have always played the victim and you have always blamed others for exactly what you were doing yourself.

You always accused me (or treated me in such a way) as though I was cheating or going to cheat. In the end it was always you who was the cheater. And now your latest move, accusing me of fucking w/your head and playing both sides when in reality it was always you. I wish I could fix you. I wish I could make you see it. You have so much to offer but you have to get your shit together. No woman can be responsible for your happiness. It doesn’t work that way. How many will you go through before you figure that out? I want to shake you and make you see the truth. Why won’t you talk to me? I feel as if you’ve died.

Despite all the bullshit in our relationship, I do believe you love me. I believe you love me more and have connected with me more than any one ever before. In all likelihood you will never experience the same level as what we had again. I believe the same for myself. We had something special, something coveted, something that should have kept us together. It’s with this knowledge I am stuck. Both desperate to love you and hate you so passionately… so completely.

I wish it could be different. I wish we were together. I love you every day.