Where are you?

I’m sorry I didn’t recognize and appreciate everything you gave me. All the love, the effort, the sacrifice. It should’ve been enough. Until we meet again. I love you and I let you go.

Someone You Loved

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
It’s easy to say
But it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the painNow the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you lovedI’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
It’s easy to say but it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escapeNow the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you lovedAnd I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I’ll be safe in your sound ’til I come back aroundFor now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you lovedBut now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you lovedI let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you lovedSource: LyricFindSongwriters: Benjamin Kohn / Lewis Capaldi / Peter Kelleher / Samuel Roman / Tom BarnesSomeone You Loved lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

I miss the good times. I drove down M today and thought of when I lived over there and things between you and I just started. I think about sitting on the screened in porch with you. One memory leads to another and it’s always the good ones. I don’t think about the bad times. I try to remind myself of that when I can’t stop the memories and the pain that still exists. I wish things could have been different. I told my son today, that’s where I used to live when I was dating the love of my life. He said you’re not married to the love of your life and I replied no. It doesn’t always work out that way. You don’t always end up with the love of your life. Maybe someday our paths will cross again. Until then…… I love you and I let you go…..

I dreamed you left her and showed up at my door. You asked me to choose. I chose you.

If we locked eyes would your heart stop? How long until you could catch your breath? Would you feel it the way I would?

Baby is here. He’s perfect in every way. My life has changed so much. I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if you were his daddy. I had hoped his birth would help me move on from thoughts of you but nothing has changed.

I moved… sold my childhood home – the home that we redid and created together. The walls that surround me no longer make me think of you and maybe it will just take more time for me to be free of this memory filled prison you have kept me in. This home is everything we talked about moving to. You would love it here.

I love you and I let you go.

I’m 9 months pregnant. I am up to pee every hour and your haunting of my dreams all night was unrelenting. You would choose her over and over yet you wouldn’t leave me alone. You were torturing me. My tears and my pain had no effect on you. I would wake up crying only to go back to sleep and dream more. I can only home my baby coming will someday soon put this torture to an end. It hurts me and it’s effects are lasting. Why do you keep coming for me?

So another camping weekend goes by without you. I had to drive to town on my own. You would have been proud I found my way. It was my first trip to Buckeits and it’s just not the same without you. We had to get a new burn barrel. Ours had rusted out. Mike doesn’t come and honestly I’m ok with it because I feel like that was our place. I don’t want to replace our memories out there. I caught 2 fish. I told the kids I learned from the best. I wish we had tried harder.

I’m 7.5months pregnant now. I try to think about that when I’m missing you. It’s something you couldn’t give me.

Do you think of me when you see a jelly donut?

“Since she could not have the heroin of being with him her unconscious mind chose the methadone of her memories with him.”

I don’t want to let you go but you’re hurting me.