At least it feels like it’s been a while. I got married. I wonder if you know that. Someone came to the house looking for you. I don’t think they knew you because they asked for Eugene.

I went out on the river today. It made me think of you and the time we spent on the boat. How you took us so fast and how it scared me so much I screamed the whole time. It was such a good day that day and the time we took the kids. I was walking in the water and the carp jumped up and scared me.

I think I’m having another miscarriage. I never thought I’d be one of the women who had trouble getting pregnant and carrying to term. I’m feeling so sad today. I miss my mom. I miss you. I feel lost. If I can’t have a baby I’m not sure where my life is going. I love my husband but I still think of you and I feel so guilty. So many memories.

I love you and I let you go.